I've been seeing a lot of hatred toward teens and young adults today. It began as a simple question regarding texting and driving and teen safety and somehow the anger toward all teens emerged in the process (because they know everything and will never listen to reason and, of course, will do whatever pleases them...). As the mother of an absolutely amazing teenager (15) who was born when I was just a teen myself (17), I have enough authority on the matter to say what I'm getting ready to say.
Texting and driving is a real and very present danger. Yes. Teens text and drive. But there is no sure fire way to guarantee that your (or my) teen will never take their eyes off the road for any reason and especially not for checking or sending texts. That being said... Teens aren't the only ones who text and drive. In the very same thread where someone was so adamant that teens shouldn't even have cell phones, parents admitted that they, too, were guilty of texting and driving. I'm not entirely certain how this train of thought is going to play out, so just bear with me.
I never thought I would be sitting here, typing words into my computer or vocalizing them in any way, defending the positive aspects of a teenager having a cell phone. When I was a teen I didn't have a cell phone. My dad got me one after Katy was born, though, because he wanted to make sure that I had a way to call him if something happened. Even though I'm only 32 now, that was before texting became the thing it is now, so texting and driving was not a huge threat. (Although it was definitely the days of pressing the button a thousand times to get to the right letter so really, texting took a lot more effort.) When all of Katy's (and Kenzie's - who is turning 12 soon) friends began flashing their cell phones and asking my kids for their numbers somewhere around 5th grade, my girls replied that they didn't have cell phones. Even when grandpa thought Katy needed one, mama did not and therefore, my teenager was not part of the cell phone crowd... Until last Christmas. When she was 14.
Why does your 14 year old need a cell phone, Hypocrite? Well, that's a good question, there. We spent 4 years overseas where 14 was the age when kids could legally stay home alone or babysit. She was never alone or in charge of her 3 smaller siblings. She was always with an adult. Someone with a.... you guessed it... cell phone. But when we moved back to the states, it became clear that the benefits of her having her own, mobile line of communication far outweighed the stubborn stance that she had no need for one. She was at a new school and the busses were highly unreliable. On more than one occasion, she had no way to call me to let me know that they dropped her off at the wrong school (she had classes at 2 campuses) or never even came to get her in the first place. The school office told her to use her cell phone, which she didn't have. She went to the mall with friends and the roads began to ice over and she was unable to call me to let me know where she would be waiting for me. Well, now she is 15 and needs arise where she is home watching her 11, 5 and 2 year old siblings... with no land line. And let's face it. Things happen, like when she went to the mall with a friend here (we've moved twice in a year) and texted me a hundred times showing me awful fashion choices and telling me how she wanted to come home because her friends weren't the kind of people she wanted to hang out at the mall with. Good school people, just, not hanging out people.
On that thought, let's go back to me. As a teen without a phone. When I was 16, I got in the car with my boyfriend thinking we were going to a local party. Two and a half hours later, we are in the middle of nowhere heading to a party where there were two sober people - me and the one other girl I knew. I had no way to call anyone and no way to even tell anyone where I was. I went and sat in the truck to get away from all the madness and try to figure out a way home. That's where I was when I lost my virginity. Against my will. I was taken advantage of several times that night. Had I had a cell phone, I could've called someone. I would've called my dad. But I wouldn't have my teenager. The one who I would want to have a phone, one with a parental tracking ability. One she could text me, call me, kick me, snap me, IG me, whatever it took.
See, I understand that kids need to be taught about real dangers. I've lived a LOT of real dangers. I've had my ex-husband try to kill me and no landline, no cell phone, and my dad and police search for me for 6 or more hours. They could've tracked a cell phone. I could've gotten help sooner. I've been put out in the middle of the road with nothing but the clothes on my back and the phone hidden in my bra. I was able to call for a friend because I had a cell phone. I'm not saying that any of this will happen or is even likely to happen to my kids, but I am saying that in addition to cell phone, internet and text safety, I teach my kids other REAL dangers. And because I consider an intruder attacking my children while I'm at Food Lion right up there with a head-on collision, I teach cell phone safety. And I practice cell phone safety.
Maybe it isn't the kids "doing whatever the hell they want" that's the biggest problem regarding texting and driving. Maybe it's more that their parents say "don't text and drive" and before their breath has left their lips, mom or dad picks up their phone to respond to a friend, check a notification, let someone know they're "on their way" or google the fastest way to their destination. I will not text and drive. It's not because I'm all high and mighty, it's because I typically have my children in the car and their lives mean more to me than anything someone says while I'm driving. I practice what I preach. My teen will actually see a text come through on my screen (because my phone is typically stowed in the holder above the radio) read it to me, and ask me if I'd like her to respond. Because it's all she's ever known, she isn't just told that texting and driving is bad, she's shown that it's not even an option. And about all that other stuff? She has the same passcode on her phone as I have on mine. Not because I told her to, but because (as she said) "that way you won't have to ask me what it is when you look through stuff". Because she also knows that there is a standard we hold ourselves to and, oh yes, mama goes through all of your communication.
None of this is me saying that my kid is immune to bad decisions. I have it on good authority that she's human and will undoubtedly make mistakes. All this is to point out that the first problem with teenagers isn't teenagers. They're new at this. It's parents who have yet to figure out that implementing standards that you, yourself, don't find important enough to adhere to will ultimately fail to teach your kids that those standards are as important as they really are.
Parents. It's not the cell phone that's the problem. If you crash your car and injure your child as a result of your neglectful texting while driving... are you going to blame the fact that you're 46 and all your friends do it and you've never crashed before? No. You're still going to live the rest of your life knowing that you caused harm because of a stupid decision you made while simultaneously yapping about how texting teens are such a danger. That is, if you're lucky enough to not take a life, including your own.
I'd like for everyone who has made it through this rant of mine to make a real, honest, determined effort beginning right now. I want each and every one of you to stop texting and driving. If the use of any cellular function requires you to take your eyes off the road, I beg you to wait until you're stopped or have someone else do it for you. And if you have children, make sure to tell them "I will check that message when we stop because it's important to focus on driving". Teach them through your actions. If you already live by the code of no texting and driving, thank you.
There is no sure fire way to guarantee that any one of our children will not make the mistake of texting and driving... but we can all set the right example and in turn, make ourselves more focused drivers while taking one more texting driver off the road.
Food for thought.
