I'm ready to talk

Just a few things I've survived:

bullying
date rape
teenage pregnancy
cutting
crippling depression
self loathing
abusive relationships
abortion
poisoning
suicide attempts
homelessness
custody threats
anorexia
financial ruin
reposession
miscarriage
injury
cancer
unexpected hysterectomy
moving 12 times in 10 years
divorces
losing everything I owned. Twice.
...and everything else up to this point.

I've survived. I've lived through things that should've taken my life. I've moved past things that could've stolen my joy. I've risen above things that tried their hardest to push me down.

In those moments, when I was in the thick of it all, I couldn't see past the hurt, the fear, the anger. But all those things eventually faded away and I became better for it. I'm older now, wiser, more mature and experienced. I'm well versed in pain and I'm accustomed to disappointment and the vicious twists life can take. But I survive. I will never stop being that person who seeks out the silver linings in the storm clouds. I will never stop hoping that there is a happy ending to my story. If I'm silent, it's because I'm searching for the words... because I've learned that no one can twist the words you didn't say.

I've been asked repeatedly if I will write a book, My story, they say, is riveting, one that grips your attention and elicits amazement because to know me you would never imagine such things haven't spun me into the monster you'd expect from these type of experiences. I've contemplated a book, and always thought I hesitated because of the backlash that would encourage from those people in my life who don't want their dirty stories told. Truth is, I hesitate now because my story isn't over yet. There is more.

But I am finally ready to begin to tell the story of how I became the person I am, imperfectly perfect.  I know I've been quiet lately, but I think it's time. I may or may not go in order, I haven't decided. But if I've learned anything about the life I've lived, it's that I've lived to share my stories. There are countless people who have the same ones, yet don't know that they, too, can survive. You need to know you can survive. Life is short, pain is hard, and joy is within our reach.

So bear with me as I open the vault of my experiences and dredge up realities that just might make you believe there is hope for the hopeless. Much love.