It's okay.

We've all seen the memes, heard the advice from "well meaning" people, usually folks who are so far removed from their own children's youth that they've created a mental blind spot to all the things parents endure in the name of raising children...

"Enjoy this time... they grow up so fast."

I saw one a few minutes ago and, as I often do, I broke out the ol' Mac.

A dear friend brought up a great point the other day.  She was flustered.  Her husband is in another country (as happens on occasion when you're a military spouse) and they've just moved to Germany from Italy with their aging pets and two small children (10 months and 6).  They're all driving her nuts.  I've been in her shoes.  I know a lot of you reading this have, too.  Her concern voiced to me was simple.  Like me, she worries that the standards placed on enjoying EVERY minute are unreasonable.

Am I doing enough with them?
Am I teaching them the right things?
Am I appreciating everything they do?
If I throw away this little scrap of paper or dead flower will I scar them for life?
If I can't pretend to be interested in this absurd line of questioning right this minute... am I a bad mom?

And when we get frustrated and need a break and it seems (or might actually BE) impossible to take one, well we are told to appreciate these days.  They won't be little forever.  One day, you'll blink your eyes and a man will stand where your baby boy once was.  They'll leave and you'll be heart broken.

Hey.  People.  Screw you.

There is NO SHAME in being overwhelmed.  There is no shame in accepting that sometimes, no matter how much we love our children, they're little a-holes.  That's right.  I said it.

And you know what?  Sometimes, I need to step away in order to come back and effectively teach that little a-hole that their a-hole behavior is unacceptable so that I can do the job all parents should strive for... which is to raise adults who *gasp* aren't a-holes.  Wait.  Read that again if you need to.

Now really dig into the implications.  As parents, we are given a child who we shape, mold, care for and guide into adulthood.  The ultimate goal of any parent should be to do our best to release those crazy little a-holes into the wild some day as a critter that can care for itself and others in a manner that benefits the world.  So clearly, they're meant to grow up.

That being said...

It's physically, mentally and psychologically impossible to cherish every single moment of every single day and every single thing your kid does.  Trust me.  I have four.  I do my best, I'm sure most of us do.  But I'm not Jesus, y'all.  Lord forgive me, but some days when I've swept, mopped, vacuumed, cooked, washed the dishes, done the laundry, bathed the kids and step my exhausted carcass into the bathroom to pee....... and I come back out to an entire container of Fruity Pebbles crushed into the carpet, yogurt on the kitchen floor, the baby covered in green marker, the tweens arguing over whats fair in a video game and every item torn out of the dresser because the soon to be kindergartener is trying to find the right pair of panties to match the 7th dress she's had on in the last hour? Well.  You can take your "cherish them when they're little" advice and shove it.  See what I did there? I told the truth.

I love my kids.  And I have AMAZING kids.  They're well behaved, brilliant, beautiful, funny, imaginative, love to explore and a million other qualities that could go on much longer than you'd be interested in reading. But that's just it.  They're great.  And I don't need to pretend that they don't have their little a-hole moments to get that point across. I also LOVE seeing the people they're becoming. It's amazing to think that I've had anything to do with these beings that are blossoming before my eyes.  It excites me.

Will I miss the hugs and kisses? The bedtime stories and tucking in? The diaper hats and funny way the baby eats his pasta? Absolutely.

Will I miss being head-butted? Having a toddler spit in my mouth? The tears because I can't read every book on the shelf every night? The getting out of bed every 5 minutes asking for water then waking up at 3am because they have to pee? Ruining diapers that cost good money? The mess that comes with someone who is still young enough to be considered socially acceptable with such terrible table manners? Absolutely not.

One day I will be able to go to the pool and swim. I can lay out. I can close my eyes and relax because I won't be responsible for a drowning toddler.  One day I can go to a movie because I want to. One day I can make myself a cup of coffee and drink it while it's still hot... and drink it all by myself. I'll be able to leave M&Ms on my dresser and they'll still be there 5 minutes later. I can make what I want for dinner and no one will complain. I can sleep in on a school day - or any day. I can wear any fabric I choose and I can leave the house confident that there is no snot on my person. The world will be my oyster.

I love the moments that make my children awesome.  I can even find humor in those moments that make them not so awesome.  But when I can come sit on the porch, drink a glass of good wine, relax in the cool summer breeze and write a blog? Well, I can't help but get all giddy for the days when I can do it before 11pm and walk back inside to a nice, clean house that looks just the way it did when I went outside to begin with.

One day my children will be grown.  But if I raise them right, they won't be gone.  They'll still love me and I'll still love them.  They'll bring me their husbands and wife (or wives, whatever, I'll love who they love) and their children. They'll bring them to visit and their kids will jam my DVD player (like Sophie did in 2011) and pee on my carpet (like Levi did last month) and like my dad did, I'll laugh and brush it off and remind their mortified parent that they were once a little a-hole, too.  And then I'll hug my grandchildren tight and tell them how much I love them... and I'll remind their mamas and daddies that one day, they'll grow up.

I'm writing to say this, really...  If you see a parent stressed out, frazzled, frustrated, irritated, at wit's end (I think you get it), don't "remind" them to cherish these moments and tell them one day they'll have an empty nest and thus an empty life... Give them a little nod, tell them they're doing okay and if you're really feeling helpful, help.  I promise.  We love them.  But sometimes we need people to remind us that it's okay to not always like them.  And it's perfectly acceptable to look forward to living a life where you can put you first.  I know I am.