This is another blog I wrote several years ago (3 nearly to the day) and felt deserved a repost. Update at the end.
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Oh. My. God. It's like, you just don't get it, ya know?
Yep.
I don't get it. I don't get why my recently turned 12 year old daughter is so determined to be anyone BUT herself. I don't understand why she feels it necessary to try so hard to be like every one of the girls she is friends with or wants to be friends with but will deny something she enjoys if it is shared by someone who the aforementioned girls don't like. Well, I do get it, actually... I, too, was once a *gasp* preteen. (Although this particular daughter cannot grasp that concept.)
When I was going into 7th grade I refused to be like the rest of the girls. Those of you who know me now will probably agree that I still refuse to be anyone other than me. Not that I've always liked me, just that I knew I didn't like them. And somehow, I've failed thus far to teach my eldest child the concept of "IF YOU DON'T LIKE THEM, CHANCES ARE PEOPLE WON'T LIKE YOU WHEN YOU ACT JUST LIKE THEM!!" How did I miss this all important lesson? Well, clearly my constant berading of her hasn't caused the message to seep into her skull, so apparently I need to try a different method.
So here's my idea. Overly protective/reserved/conservative parents STOP READING NOW.
Now that we've weeded out those who will no doubt hassle me, here goes. I'm gonna let her fall flat on her high and mighty face. Yep. The thing about middle/high school is that you need to make mistakes and be held accountable for them by someone other than your parents (who OBVIOUSLY don't know ANYTHING). A child will not learn every life lesson in the comfort of their home and if they do, that only speaks to the limited realm of life that you experience by never learning anything from real life experiences.
Tomorrow starts a new school year. A new batch of kids for her to idolize and squash under her foot. A new batch of kids to do the same to her. And it may sound wrong, but I hope someone puts her in her place. Not necessarily by making her 7th grade year hell... because I know mine was, and frankly, I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy, let alone my child. I just don't want her to be like Stephanie and Jamie. And my "friend" Annie who spent all summer hanging out with me and enjoying my awesome company until she had to choose between what was real in our friendship and throwing me under the proverbial bus in order to not join me in my lowly status as the preteen punching bag.
I know that it may sound wrong for me to say such things... I ought to be saying how wonderful this year will be for her and how it's a fantastic opportunity in her life to grow and develop and yada yada yada. Well, it's all that, too. I just hope that this year she figures out that the best way to treat people... ALL PEOPLE... is to treat them with kindness, compassion and grace. I hope that she learns that who she is is who she was meant to be. I hope she learns that there are good qualities, bad qualities and every other kind of quality in every person you meet... and that it's perfectly okay to encourage the positive, pray for the negative and overlook what doesn't really matter in the long run. Because that's life.
So here's to 7th grade. I hope you teach my daughter grace. I hope you teach my daughter humility. I hope you teach my daughter respect. And love. And acceptance. And friendship. Real friendship. I hope you teach my daughter that being who she is is exactly and perfectly and beautifully okay. Imitations never surpass the original... so work on what you originally are. Because THAT is the best YOU are going to ever get... God created you to be you. Bask in the awesomeness that has already been bestowed upon you and don't try to be anyone else... because you were never created to be anything LESS than who you are.
~~~~~~~UPDATE~~~~~~~~
The daughter who was the subject of this blog started her sophomore year in a (yet another) new school this week. She has grown into a beautifully compassionate young woman who tries to be kind to everyone and is well liked for the quirky, cool, dorky and wonderful person she is. She still struggles to fit in, but at least she knows who she is and who she wants to be. Obviously something is working.
Now I have my second daughter who just started 6th grade. I must've learned something from my eldest... or maybe it's just that Kenz is so eccentric in general... because so far she's never been anyone other than who she is. I'm not going to lie... sometimes thats a pain in the butt. But I have to give her respect for being happy with who she is and the space to continue to hone her personality. (Her 1st grade teacher told me soon she would become "socially aware and conform". I responded "I hope not"... and so far she's been holding strong to that non-conformity.)
It's not over. I have 2 more coming up through the ranks and it's a struggle with each child. But I stand by my words. Good luck to all the kids - and their parents.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh. My. God. It's like, you just don't get it, ya know?
Yep.
I don't get it. I don't get why my recently turned 12 year old daughter is so determined to be anyone BUT herself. I don't understand why she feels it necessary to try so hard to be like every one of the girls she is friends with or wants to be friends with but will deny something she enjoys if it is shared by someone who the aforementioned girls don't like. Well, I do get it, actually... I, too, was once a *gasp* preteen. (Although this particular daughter cannot grasp that concept.)
When I was going into 7th grade I refused to be like the rest of the girls. Those of you who know me now will probably agree that I still refuse to be anyone other than me. Not that I've always liked me, just that I knew I didn't like them. And somehow, I've failed thus far to teach my eldest child the concept of "IF YOU DON'T LIKE THEM, CHANCES ARE PEOPLE WON'T LIKE YOU WHEN YOU ACT JUST LIKE THEM!!" How did I miss this all important lesson? Well, clearly my constant berading of her hasn't caused the message to seep into her skull, so apparently I need to try a different method.
So here's my idea. Overly protective/reserved/conservative parents STOP READING NOW.
Now that we've weeded out those who will no doubt hassle me, here goes. I'm gonna let her fall flat on her high and mighty face. Yep. The thing about middle/high school is that you need to make mistakes and be held accountable for them by someone other than your parents (who OBVIOUSLY don't know ANYTHING). A child will not learn every life lesson in the comfort of their home and if they do, that only speaks to the limited realm of life that you experience by never learning anything from real life experiences.
Tomorrow starts a new school year. A new batch of kids for her to idolize and squash under her foot. A new batch of kids to do the same to her. And it may sound wrong, but I hope someone puts her in her place. Not necessarily by making her 7th grade year hell... because I know mine was, and frankly, I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy, let alone my child. I just don't want her to be like Stephanie and Jamie. And my "friend" Annie who spent all summer hanging out with me and enjoying my awesome company until she had to choose between what was real in our friendship and throwing me under the proverbial bus in order to not join me in my lowly status as the preteen punching bag.
I know that it may sound wrong for me to say such things... I ought to be saying how wonderful this year will be for her and how it's a fantastic opportunity in her life to grow and develop and yada yada yada. Well, it's all that, too. I just hope that this year she figures out that the best way to treat people... ALL PEOPLE... is to treat them with kindness, compassion and grace. I hope that she learns that who she is is who she was meant to be. I hope she learns that there are good qualities, bad qualities and every other kind of quality in every person you meet... and that it's perfectly okay to encourage the positive, pray for the negative and overlook what doesn't really matter in the long run. Because that's life.
So here's to 7th grade. I hope you teach my daughter grace. I hope you teach my daughter humility. I hope you teach my daughter respect. And love. And acceptance. And friendship. Real friendship. I hope you teach my daughter that being who she is is exactly and perfectly and beautifully okay. Imitations never surpass the original... so work on what you originally are. Because THAT is the best YOU are going to ever get... God created you to be you. Bask in the awesomeness that has already been bestowed upon you and don't try to be anyone else... because you were never created to be anything LESS than who you are.
~~~~~~~UPDATE~~~~~~~~
The daughter who was the subject of this blog started her sophomore year in a (yet another) new school this week. She has grown into a beautifully compassionate young woman who tries to be kind to everyone and is well liked for the quirky, cool, dorky and wonderful person she is. She still struggles to fit in, but at least she knows who she is and who she wants to be. Obviously something is working.
Now I have my second daughter who just started 6th grade. I must've learned something from my eldest... or maybe it's just that Kenz is so eccentric in general... because so far she's never been anyone other than who she is. I'm not going to lie... sometimes thats a pain in the butt. But I have to give her respect for being happy with who she is and the space to continue to hone her personality. (Her 1st grade teacher told me soon she would become "socially aware and conform". I responded "I hope not"... and so far she's been holding strong to that non-conformity.)
It's not over. I have 2 more coming up through the ranks and it's a struggle with each child. But I stand by my words. Good luck to all the kids - and their parents.
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