I've been hearing a lot about modesty lately and as a woman, a mother of 3 daughters (and a fourth bonus girl) and someone who is committed to a man with old fashioned beliefs, I feel like weighing in. What's the harm... just another opinion.
Recently I read an article about what it means to exhibit modesty. The discussion at hand specifically was women wearing yoga pants. Now, I own my share of these amazing garments... I love my yoga pants. I love that they're comfortable, they're flattering and they're functional while I'm bending, lifting, chasing a toddler and folding laundry. While I'm at home, in my element, I wear my yoga pants almost daily. But when I walk outside my home, I respect my man's wishes and wear something else.
Okay, okay, insert "controlling" and "red flag" and whatever else you are immediately thinking here. But it isn't like that. We've discussed this. And I agree with him. From a chick's point of view, let me tell you why. And for this rant, I'm going to say that modesty and general attention to appearance go hand in hand so I'll address them both.
I used to wear my yoga pants everywhere. I never thought twice about it. One day I dressed in jeans and a sweater and the Italian gate guard asked me what I was so dressed up for. I was embarrassed. I wasn't "dressed up" at all. I was simply "dressed". Another time, I was having coffee with a friend and bent over to pick up my infant. My loving friend quickly informed me that when I bent, in the sunlight, the stripes of my hipster panties were extremely visible through the thin fabric of my yoga pants. Let's face it... those stretchy, black beauties leave very little to the imagination to begin with, but then I started noticing that I could see other women's panties (or lack thereof) straight through their yoga pants while waiting in line at the store or out at the ball field. It made me really self conscious.
I wore yoga pants because they were easy, quick, comfortable and went with everything. Besides that, no one seemed to care what I wore. Plus, after 4 babies, jeans were terribly unflattering, uncomfortable and ill-fitting. But after having these things pointed out to me and further discussing the matter with my best friend who would later become my boyfriend, I decided that I was going to start setting a standard for myself that forced me out of my comfort zone. I started wearing "real clothes". Nothing fancy, just pants that weren't sold in the active or sleepwear section of the store.
Do you know what happened? My confidence rose. I walked a little taller in my jeans and boots. I held my head a little higher and smiled a little wider each and every time I took a few extra minutes to choose a cute dress or a shirt that wasn't a tank top or t-shirt. And people noticed. I not only looked better, I felt better. (Perk: And I realized that when I started to gain a couple of pounds, I could quickly get my eating back on track because my clothes didn't stretch with my cookies. I've been able to manage my weight without letting it get depressing before I noticed it.)
But this isn't just about yoga pants. No. It's also about super short shorts. It's about cleavage that risks nipple exposure if you cough. It's about walking through the mall looking like a common hooker and being offended when you're treated like one. Oh. Did I strike a chord there, ladies? Here's how this whole modesty thing REALLY works.
You present an image to the world. Your first impression will be made before you ever open your mouth, before you show your credentials, before you are able to list your volunteer efforts or proclaim your faith in God. Your presentation lies in your physical appearance. If you're looking for a relationship, the men you will attract depend largely on the beacon you're sending to call them in. A man will not see a woman dressed in revealing clothing as anything more than an easy target. A girl who will respond to cheap flattery and empty promises. A man will see a woman's deep cut neckline and immediately think "boobs" and not "wife". A man worth having will not approach you because a woman worth having wouldn't offer her body up for public viewing. Don't get me wrong... men WILL approach you. But when those men are only there to see what else you'll give them, you'll say "men are dogs"... No, honey. You're just attracting dogs because you're offering yourself up as a piece of meat.
How do I know? What gives me the audacity to say such things? I don't know you... You're right. I don't know YOU. I just know me. And I know what I had to learn before I realized that my trouble with commanding respect from others had a lot to do with the fact I was presenting the image that I didn't respect myself. And looking back, I didn't respect myself. Because if I did, I would've realized long ago that I didn't need to play up my boobs. Seriously. They speak for themselves. And on the flip side, years later, I didn't need to wear pants so tight (yoga) that I could stand in front of a light and someone could draw every detail of my ass. It's both ends of the spectrum. Dressing provocatively and dressing with little to no care or thought.
People tend to jump to the conclusion that modesty immediately translates into prudish, unfashionable and unattractive. People tend to be wrong. The most popular retort from women who can't grasp this concept is "well let me just go get my burka". Come ON, you childish little girls. No one is telling you to cover your body and definitely not your face. No one is trying to enact extreme control over your choices. No one is saying that you have to take on a look like the Amish or Mormons. The point is that you can cover your chest. You can wear skirts that you don't have to constantly pull down in the back and shorts that are longer than their pockets. You can dress in a manner that covers your body, offering less distraction from the real you. Unless all you are is your boobs... in which case, carry on.
But if you want to be seen for the amazing woman you are, sometimes you need to get out of your own way and realize that you need to start presenting to the world the image that you want to be seen for. Because, like I said, that's how this works. Step up your game. Stop wearing revealing clothing. And stop wearing pajama pants to the store and yoga pants outside of the gym or house. Start taking that extra 25 seconds to grab a pair of jeans. Throw on a sweater. Brush your hair, for crying out loud. Show the world that you are a woman worth respecting and the world will start respecting you.
Until you realize that you're in your own way, the path will always be blocked. I'd like to challenge every woman reading this to take one week and commit to wearing real clothes any time you leave your home. If you typically wear yoga pants, wear jeans instead. If you start to go to the store in your pajamas, get dressed. If you can see any part of your bra, cover it. If your skirt prohibits you from picking up your dropped keys, change. One week. And see if it has a positive impact on your self worth and confidence. I know it did for me. And it's time we start setting a better example for the young women we encounter.
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